Changes in Myself

Dear Diary,

Well good morning.:)

Im in a good mood.

Im feeling great about my new little outlook on life in some areas. I guess the big part is just that I have stopped counting on B. That I make plans for ME. I spent way too much time revolving my life and what I do upon him. Which was my own fault, and something I had to learn and recognize for myself. Its a hard thing to let go of. When you spend your life being a people pleaser, needy, co dependent, whatever you name it. Bad skills that were learned.

It is so fascinating to see the dynamics of our relationship right now. Between B and I. When I stop putting on pressure, when I relax and live my life. He starts to come forward. Last night he said “Do you miss me?” and it was strange to hear. Personally No I wasnt all “Oh I cant be without youuu!” feeling, but I do enjoy his company, but as my old group therapist put it “I can live my life and it can be just like an ice cream sundae, and a partner is just the added cherry on top” That Im not incomplete without B, I am complete in and of myself. But he is a great addition to my life. 🙂 But not what defines it.

I have actually been falling asleep on the phone with B this week. Its just like role reversal actually. Interesting.

I do love him, Im going through a time of change personally. I also really have had an idea in my head to have women from my support group over to my home, maybe for a girls night potluck or something. I have this big house, need to use it, and you never know in the end the worst case scenario with the house and I have to sell it, well I better damn well enjoy it!