Sleepless Night

Dear Diary,


I was up till about 3am. Crazy! And I woke up at 6:30am! I tried about 4 times last night to get in bed. I would get in, my mind would race thru so many thoughts, then I would just break into crying out loud. I couldnt stand being alone with myself so I would go get back on the computer, log into a chat room and stair aimlessly at the monitor. It was something to keep me company.


When Im like this I dont feel like eating, or watching tv, its hard for me to have fun and be silly chatting online. Its moments like that where you just want a close friend to talk to, but its 3am so its not like you can just call anyone.


My upper eyelids are a little swollen. I cried a lot yesterday. The tears are still there, they well up as I write this. Reflecting back to the painful spots since my separation, The hurts that felt similar to this, they took me about 3 days to work through. I pray this one goes faster, since I am learning better to understand and work with my emotions.


I wrote boyfriend an email last night. Trying to share with him how I was feeling best I could describe it. He wrote me an email so I got it early this AM, he worked all night so didnt get in till about 5am. So he and I havent had much time to talk the past 2 days. I miss it.


His email


“hey beautiful

i kind of understand where you are coming from. in some ways I have been there.

L was like that. I brought her into my life and then she became friends with all my drinking buddies, after we broke up she would show up all the time and be in my world.I couldnt get rid of her and it was a real pain in the ass.Its not the exact same thing but its kinda alike.. kinda.

Im wiped out.I need to go and crash. I love you baby. I hope your night has gone a little better.muah I luvs ya .I will think warm thoughts and have sweet dreams about ya k?

good night and i will talk to ya soon”


It was a very long night. Im just so glad its over, dread the next one, but its of some comfort boyfriend is gonna be around ( I think) I would love to see him 🙁 This will be a long day for me, Work, then counseling, then my oldest has his group. Then my youngest is having a Talent Show he is having to introduce tonight. I so dread that tonight. Im gonna be exhausted, long day and a bunch of children and my girlfriend will be there who rattles off about every multi level marketing plan under the moon and I want to tell her to SHUT UP and I dont want to hear another word about some party shes having or getting some catalog. On the other hand if I talk to her about whats going on with me, I will probably end up crying.


Pray for me everyone. and my little ones.

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