Still feeling it

Dear Diary,

Ive been very emotional the rest of the day. Crying a lot. Im still crying. Its a wide range of emotions.

Luckily I had my anger group today and I was emotional and puffy eyed when I arrived. The group is small so they asked me what was going on and I shared. So he asked me “What primary emotions are you feeling?”

I said Hurt, Betrayal. He zeroed in on Betrayal and wrote in on the board and talked about it, about how anger will hit me with this scenario.

What have I learned from this?

Watch my tongue, who I speak to, be guarded.

Also, watch my friendships, be wise with who I choose to have in my life.

But he did say should I run into her again or have to deal with her that I should tell her that I didnt appreciate what she did, that I trusted her as a friend. He said she should have ended the conversation with me since she was seeing him and that it was tacky and sneaky to ask me things like she did.

I told him I think it will be wiser for me to just not bring it up or mention that I know. That if he keeps up with his typical womanizing pattern, it will play itself out. She will see what he truly is, and she also isnt divorced yet either, her husband is supposedly with her best friend now, and she beat up her husband not long ago and had charges brought against her. I said “I hate to say it, but what if my ex pisses her off?” everyone laughed in group and said “You are right, what comes around goes around”

But it is hard to imagine your ex with another, but it was easier knowing he was out of state, could be anyone, but nobody I know. Now its someone I know, who I know personally, whos home Ive been in, whos family have been a part of my life. So this is what makes it all the more harder. More painful. And this woman is gorgeous, and it just dawned on me today the day that I saw her was the exact day my ex was with her. So she had already been with him or was seeing him that very night after our run in at the bank.

My girlfriend said “Victoria, I think God had that happen for a reason, what I dont know, but thats just such a coincidence” So who knows what she thinks of me if shes listening to him. I know how he is, how charming he can be.

Yes it does make me fearful. Fearful of him returning here, to be with her. Ive been so happy hes out of state and that gives me some peace of mind. But now he has a reason to be here.

But why on earth would she mention this Bible study to me while pretending to play stupid as I told her my ex was visiting to see the kids, when she already knew cause they were seeing eachother. I feel like a fool in some ways also.

Well onto the other issue with boyfriend, he did come back online after that chat and apologized for me for getting snappy with me over asking and that he was sorry.

🙂

I just feel so weird right now. Relationships can be so painful. I hate this pain. Im afraid of being hurt. It made me just want to pull inward. I dread dealing with things to come.