Whiney & Emotional

Dear Diary,

Im still feeling emotional. I did fine yesterday, Friday night I was a mess night before getting my period, yesterday Im fine as can be, today Im emotional again.

Im frustrated with my youngest childs behavior, hes down for a nap now because I had it with how he was acting, constantly fighting with his brother and not listening to me, I took them home from my moms after he started up there and told him hes taking a nap.

I was laying in bed thinking about this whole missing the ex’s creativity when going places. Yes I miss that, but I started to think about what it was like with my ex, Sure he found the coolest places, but when we would be seeing all these places I always wished I had someone I was in love with or who was romantic and treated me special to make those moments enjoyable. I remember my trip to Ohio last year to see my ex and he took me down this gorgeous country road to a nicely laid out wood stairway down to a tree area with a waterfall. He found this while mountain biking. I remember we walked down to it together. How I wanted to just stand there at the railing and hold onto him, which I did but he was so preoccupied. He didnt take it as a moment to be close with me and bond. Sure he was happy to show me this spot, but then didnt know what to do with me there. So I was always longing for that emotional closeness. Now I have boyfriend who does understand the emotional closeness but basically is so easy going and I take him everywhere. I just would like some vice versa and all, and Im not quite sure how to get that point across without sounding negative.

Im bummed out, I wanted to go and do something today, I feel crappy, my little one is being very disobedient. I just want to hold boyfriend, yet I think at times am I pouring my love into a relationship that doesnt have long term staying potential.

He has said a few things to me over the course of this weekend in response to comments Ive made about situations, And I guess at times, I wonder if these are humor, truth, or a bit of both. And if they are truth, well then why I am with him? I dont feel like typing them out, no fights or anything, just an exchange in dialog, the way we view situations and how we would handle them, but some of his answers at time, throw me a little bit. Ive began to question him now, but I need to do so more deeply then I have been. Im glad I dont let things slide by without inquiring, but how direct do I need to be?