Update

Dear Diary,

I’ve been a busy girl. Yesterday I had to take the bosses wife to town for her appointments, so it was a nice female bonding day. I really like her and look up to her so we have so many good talks when we are together.

I then attended my first Anger Management Class. Its a small one, and all of us in there are mainly dealing with Anger towards our abusers, anger towards not being protected, and a few anger not being protected as children. So this isnt a typical Anger Management for abusers class, more the other side for victims.

I have counseling today, which I totally had a brain lapse last week and totally forgot to go. Shows you how hectic your life is when you just up and forget a daily routine thing.

I got some of the results back already from my Gyno visit which I was happy to hear but Im still waiting for the rest. I guess just with all that has gone on in the marriage I was in, and not knowing all the truth or the past history, I wanted some reassurance also. So the HIV came back negative. And a few other STDs, Im waiting on my pap test results still though. My next task is to schedule a complete physical since Ive never had one other then pregnancy visits and whatever they checked at those times.

I have been doing some home information research, loans, moving, townhomes, all sorts of info. Granted Im not in the place to do it right now, but in the next few years Im hoping to make some changes.

Well after my Ex through one of his tantrums again the other day, he ended up calling my attny office, and I guess gave them a fax number!! YAY! Which gives them direct access to getting him paperwork now, Im waiting to find out in about an hour what occured during the phone call and if we can finally get a court date!!! Please God Please! Im so tired of this prolonged waiting and stalling from him.

Whats frustrating is I could refinance my house at 7.75% instead of the 8.50% Im at right now, but I need him to comply with this. Which he doesnt give a crap about anything I have to handle. And I cant do squat till he has quit claimed the house and I get all the legal stuff done. So yes its frustrating, since Im just waiting.

Good things are happening though. Im anxiously awaiting the tax refund and paying off all the debt the Ex and I had together. I cant wait! All that I will have is a mortgage payment. My vehicle is paid for and I havent used any credit since our split. Next year will mean HOPEFULLY the divorce will be final. I will go on to work full time. Life should be a lot smoother. But then again, unpredicted things can come up, but if they dont. Life will be much easier on me in some regards. I cant wait to be free of some of my Ex’s name and messes in things. And to have a legal document breaking down everything for custody, visitation, child and spousal support, Well it will be nice, no more waiting on his moods or what he feels like. I know he wont stop there, but at least it will be more laid out and I can take measures if he doesnt adhere to things.

Things with boyfriend are just kinda quiet at the moment. I have started to pull back. Basically he is afraid to fully commit to me, to doing things with me, and that is his issue. He has said he is content being this way. And So it seems this week with my lack of being my usual self, he is starting to respond, but I guess Im still unsure as to where this will go. I have been seeking some advice and counsel regarding this situation and a lot of new things were brought up I didnt think about. So ultimately I have to make choices for ME, stop trying to figure others out, telling them what to do and how to do it, and then hanging around when a person basically says they wont. I make it acceptable to not be given all that I deserve, and why would I do that? Ive been through enough already. Im growing, Im learning, and people fall along the way, but we learn when we fall also. Its not a bad thing.