Oversensitive about Men?

Dear Diary,

Went to my Mothers meeting with all the older ladies. They had a mini fashion show of clothing mainly from the early 1900s. It was cool, stuff from 1912 to around the 30s. Some of the dresses were so pretty. I liked the ones mainly called “The Gibson Girl” Im going to have to look up more info on them, but the dresses were so beautiful. I went up and told the young girl that modeled those 2 dresses how pretty she looked, its amazing how that clothing changes a womans look. How women used to dress. You almost dont recognize any of them in their everyday clothes, compared to what women looked like back then.

I was driving back, thinking about these older women in the group, many are quite elderly and talking about their pride for their country, about being active in their communities. It was kinda cool to watch and listen to. And I started to wonder what kind of men they had in their lives? I guess Im so curious as to what a healthy man is like? Do they have decent marriages? What are these women like outside this meeting?

Thanks Annette for your comment, It was a good one 🙂

I am just finding myself questioning my relationship daily. What is it I want? What am I doing? What is it Im waiting for? What will it take for me to end something?

Its a strange mixture, I love and respect him. I was thinking today, when I met with the group moderator I mentioned a little bit about the boyfriend, he asked how we met, what he was like, and at first he found us an interesting couple and not quite sure why we hooked up. Once I shared that I was in counseling and so was he, and we shared what we were learning he said “Well now It makes total sense and I can understand how you two hooked up” whatever that meant, he didnt go into detail. But my girlfriend also shared something about that, when 2 people are in therapy, one tends to move beyond the other, they are working on their life and in a way outgrow the other. Im just finding less to talk about with him also.

Its like Im going thru all these weird changes right now in regards to how I feel about things with him. Yet Im not ready to end it, I guess im trying to figure out what is going on in me? Because I dont want to make a decision on something Im not 100% certain about. I feel if I break up with him Id be calling him and missing him tommorow if that makes any sense.

I wrote boyfriend an email the other day at work, telling him that I was feeling like Im selfish right now, that I want some things for me, someone to do for me, type thing. He did write back.

His letter…

SELFISH ISNT ALWAYS A BAD THING YA KNOW.

SOMETIMES YOU DESERVE TO BE SUCH AND i WOULD THINK THAT NOW MIGHT JUST BE ONE

OF THOSE TIMES, =0).

i KNOW I AM LIKE HELLA BUSY AS OF LATE BUT i DO WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT SO WE CAN

CELEBRATE MY NEW JOB AND SUCH, THAT IS ONE OF MY SELFISH TRADITIONS….

EVERYTIME i GET A NEW JOB i GO OUT AND I CELEBRATE. iD LIKE TO TAKE YA WITH ME

DAMNIT. iM THINKING MAYBE WE JUST PICK A NIGHT NEXT WEEK AND WE WILL GO HAVE A

NICE DINNER AND STUFF =0). iLL PAY FOR YOUR SITTER ETC. LEMME KNOW WHAT YA

THINK. REMEMBER iM BAD AT THIS PLANNING STUFF SO I’LL TRY BUT I MAKE NO HUYGE

PROMISES =0).MUAH> LOVES YA

Call me weird but I like the letter except for this line in it. “REMEMBER iM BAD AT THIS PLANNING STUFF SO I’LL TRY BUT I MAKE NO HUGE PROMISES”

Its like I try to think of myself and how I respond to things, its either “No I dont want to do that” or “Yes I will do it” not “Ok Ill try but I cant make any promises”

Its like he suggested we go out, I get all happy and hopeful, but then ends it with “I cant promise anything” WHY NOT? Seriously? Why cant you promise to take me out to celebrate in the manner you suggested? That isnt a impossible thing to do?

Am I just totally analyzing things right now? Over sensitive?

we just had a brief chat online…..

Me: I wanna see the new Jennifer Lopez movie, at the theatres that is

you heard of it? Its called “Enough”

Him: i have no idea what it is

oh yeah, I heard something about that

Me: Its um basically an abusive husband story she hides and gets away from and changes identity

Him: yeah, and he finds her and she fights back kinda thing

Me: Yeah, lil woman self empowerment thing, yet looks suspenseful

Him: they need to have the alternate ending where she gets her ass beat like a clown

Me: saw long trailer yest, yeah yeah thats on the news everyday

Him: thats what im saying, its a nice empowering movie but somehow I think smoebody is going to draw the wrong messages out of it

Me: Just like any movie tho

Him: yup

Me: Maybe if men were a little more scared and didnt know they can do so much shit, it starts small , I know its just a movie, its just the place Im coming from i guess

Him: indeed