Give me Strength

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was just emotionally training. I just have too many loose ends that Im so eager to have completed. And Im getting so frustrated with everything around me. Mainly the legal thing with my Attny.

I talked to my girlfriend yesterday. She said I should demand to see my Attorney( who I never see unless its for court, I deal with his office personel) She said and I need to tell him what a lame ass job they have done and make it known its making him look bad) to be honest the guy is the best in town, everyone has told me his office personel sucks, but when it comes to the settling and getting you what you want hes awesome. So this is why Ive clung to keeping him. But this whole process is pissing me off, it seems nothing is done unless I call and put pressure on to make sure.I got more done on my own when I hired a paralegal and got him served via my Mom and I doing, basically NOTHING ELSE IS DONE! And Im a bit pissed off after shelling out $2000.

So my girlfriend is coming over, she has the balls that I dont have and is going to the office with me to make sure something is done so I dont just crumble into some quiet ball or loose it emotionally. Im not really sure what we are gonna do though! Im so nervous about confrontation. And Im having to deal with the Ex, In Law, and Attny office.

Im also going to ask about seeking Sole custody of the kids. Talked with boyfriend last night about this and asked his opinion. He said to me “Sorry hun but Fuck your ex. Whos done it all? Who drives them to school, dresses them, feeds them, helps them do homework, is with them when there sick, takes them to dr, on and on and on, YOU DO. You do it all anyways, and to have to call him to discuss decisions he never cared about even when you two were together, Fuck that. I dont see why you wouldnt get sole custody, your bullet proof, as long as you arent(pardon his graphicness) SUCKING DICK AND SMOKING CRACK around your kids, he really has no say, and Im sure the courts will see this”

::Sigh::

And here I am late on the mortgage. Im selling stuff right now to come up with the rest, and I get my paycheck friday. Exs child support hasnt arrived, SURPRISE???? Its due the first. So this is pissing me off also.

I talked to my sister yesterday she said just remember “The Devil is a Liar” haha everytime my ex starts up and I start to get confused she said “Sis God is Love and these actions arent of God and they arent love so where do they come from?”

She was telling me that her Ex used to drive by her boyfriends house all the time. And her boyfriend(Now husband) just found him amusing, that he would actually just find the guy a crack up. I mean my sister was seeing him and in love with him, yet in his mind she was still HIS.

I just need a lot of chapters closed in my life, Please God give me strength.