House is NOT Home

Dear Diary,

Just felt an urge to write again. Nothing big really going on, just thoughts going thru my head.

I was writing about my House in the last entry. Ive lived here just over 2 yrs now. And I was saying how this place has never truly felt like “HOME” to me. Yes its a house we live in, but its not HOME. The place I lived in before this one was a small 2 bedroom rental house. Ex and I lived there for 4 years. And I loved that house so much. I didnt want to leave. It was a 1930s Craftsman Home. So much character inside. And we had a basement, which in Cali isnt the norm. And especially in the area that I live, people were amazed I had a basement. And the back yard was HUGEEE! And we had a Almond and Pecan tree out back. Out front we had a pomegranite tree. I loved the blossoms on the Pomegranite and the Almond tree every year, they were soooo gorgeous.

Sure the house was small, but the kids were tiny and it worked well. But it was a pain because there was no backdoor to the backyard, you had to exit the driveway and then go open the gate, so its a pain with children you couldnt let them freely run in and out when they were little ones.

The Ex and I spent a year looking to buy a house since the market was good and low prices, plus we qualified for a first time homebuyer program where you put nothing down. We were swindoled by some crooked realtors on a house the first time. That was awful. They had basically shown us the house after meeting them at a mall booth, The house was cute and had a pool, really nice house. And then we placed our bid and it was accepted. Well about 2 weeks later they called us saying “OOPS sorry that house is already sold, we bid on the wrong house” We were dumbfounded. Turns out they bid on a house that was 4 houses down from the one we were interested in, We never set foot in this other house nor were we interested in it. I called another realtor and he told us they used “Bait and Switch” on us. Because they kept asking us to come and look at the other place to see if we liked it. We said No. It was a husband wife team, and the husband called me one day saying “Well you should have known by the paperwork you were bidding on the other house” yes he was correct, the house number address was one number off. We were young, new home buyers, and they took advantage and then blamed us. What jerks.

Then I found my dream house :::sigh::: I swear I drove by this house every week. We had a key to all the HUD homes. This was an old 2 story house with so much character, it still had depression glass in some of its windows, skeleton key locks, so much character. It was beautiful. But because of our lower income bracket the year prior on our tax refund we didnt qualify, but would in another 6 mos. 🙁 I was sooo sad. The house sold right away. I drive by it everyday. My kids call it “Mommy theres your pink house!” Yes it was painted pink lol. But it didnt look bad, it was a soft pink with the white trim and an old style house. Now some woman lives there who is totally into the look of the place with neat little furniture and yard ornaments and pretty curtains. I would have kissed the floor of that place if I got it, It was so pretty.

So then we found the house Im in now on the calling of our New Realtor we found. I didnt want to live on the Eastside of town, homes are cheaper and more of the riff raff lives over here. But she asked me just to look at it, so I did, and I immediatly saw potential as did the Ex. And next thing ya know it was gonna be ours. But during this time Ex and I came close to divorce talks while going thru escrow. I had a lot of concerns about buying a house and kept telling him this. I loved the rental house and it was affordable for me on my own should we had divorced. I didnt know what Id do stuck with housepayments. But turned out the mortgage payments were $50 more than the rental, and Ex sat with My Mom and Sister and talked to them saying if we werent to stay together I could have the home for me and the kids.

I used to throw all the escrow papers in a pile in the closet. I didnt open any, marriage was in bad shape and I just didnt care about a house. Well we pulled thru, attempted marriage counseling again and I once again blamed myself for being a poor Christian wife and things were somewhat ok for awhile. So maybe this is part of why this place just doesnt feel like home? And the Ex did a lot of remodeling to it, so it screams his touch in every room of the place. He is skilled. Hes done some nice work to it. If I were able to, Id try and move right away, Its just not where I want to be, currently Im using my parents home address for my childrens schooling so they can get in better schools because my school district is the worst rated school of all things in town.

But its my income, I will be ok, but Im only going on my second year of steadily working and claiming taxes. So I have to take some time, get my groundings set, and be able to qualify on my own for a loan. I will one day though! YOU WATCH! 🙂

But one day, I plan to have a home Im in love with and reflects my personality (yes Im a sucker for old homes)