Irritable, fixated, Learning

Dear Diary,

I was feeling a little bit irritable last night. I get that way at times, impatient over how my love is. I think part of it is old habits though. Its not any real important reason to be upset at him. Its just my insecurities creeping up. Things I have to learn to work thru.

I felt ignored. I felt he didnt speak to me much the night prior, then nothing all day, never saw him, no calls, no emails. We generally keep dialogue going daily. Silly I know that I think because of one day without speaking something is wrong. But like I said, I have to unlearn a lot of my old ways of handling a relationship. I have to actively think about things.

So I found my Love online last night. Turns out he messed with him computer AGAIN. See hes really into computers, taking college courses to work in that field. So now and then he gets an itch to try something on his computer thus messing it up, then he gets frustrated and goes on this mission where he HAS to fix the problem he has created. He becomes totally fixated and will spend hours or days if necessary until he fixes the dillemma. So that is what happened. He went into “Computer Nerd” Mode, haha. And I just sit there and ask myself why I get so insecure. I went to bed without talking to him on the phone, and that was ok with me.

We do love one another, but in many ways Im trying to rush what we have, My God I am by no means ready for all this, dealing with what I have come out of. But I just started to think about things. In group we discussed “What does intimacy mean do you?” How it can be different for 2 people. And those are things that need to be discussed, that we have things that our important to us as individuals. We also talked about learning to read a person in the early stages of getting to know them. Listening to them, he gave a perfect example saying “Listen to a man, if he asks you out for a date, and you are out, then he says to you “Ok so after we leave we are going here, then here , then we are doing this” as opposed to saying ” After we leave here i was thinking it would be nice to go here or here, what do you think? Would you like to do this or that?” These are things I have never really thought about, reminded me of men I have talked to who ARE pushy and tell you when and where you will go and how soon you will do something. Group leader said “Take note of those red flags”

I went to my dance class last night. We practiced our choreography. I think I did pretty good! I got the routine down, but now have to perfect my steps, since some are a little sloppy. I hope I can remember the routine outside of the class tho! We talked about the different styles of dance. Depending on how your body works, you have to find what is best for you, she named of 3 types and told us to watch and listen to our bodies to see where we fit in. There is Egyptian, Greek/Turkish, and Tribal. And they are all different ways of moving. Usually the arms move a certain way, or with tribal alot of shaking in the lower hip area.

We will be having a day at our instructors house and learn to make our own costumes. So that will be cool.

Update on my Ex? Well I got a phone call at 6:50 AM today. I was in bed, and answered groggy “Hello?” He responded “Oh I didnt mean to call this number…”

I clicked the hangup button. ::::Shakes head::::