Dating

DearDiary,


Just got in from errands. Im tired. I was very anxious to talk to my Love last night. I had sent him the link of the house I really would like to stay in. He seemed all gung ho about the idea and said “We will go ok?” But he didnt let me finish speaking and hear the part about bringing the children. So once that was said he grew quiet and just said “We will see” I guess my heart sank a little. I mean I do understand, yet at same time, well I have some male friends who dont mind my children at all. Two in particular, and its funny because the one guy was like this years ago, and told me “I hate kids” But since he started dating a woman with a child, he loves that kid so much and has the best time with him. Plus he always invites me and my kids out, which yeah thats a plus for a Single Mom you know?

Im trying to tell myself to be patient. Yet at the same time Ive lost a big chunk of my life being miserable and doing things a certain way. I want all that to change now. Loving me requires loving my kids. I can understand being afraid, but I guess my question is, are you willing? Admitting fear is cool, its honest, but I also want honesty if Im wasting my time or if that fear is going to remain an excuse.

Im not asking for a guy to be Daddy upon first greetings of my children. But a guy who is willing to love me and accept that these children are a part of my life and not be turned off by it. Im a package deal, kids come with.

So it put my mood a little bit low last night and sort of sad. I was feeling annoyed. So I just went to sleep. Im supposed to go and visit my Love today. And the appeal is less right now. His tone was a little snappy last night also. I am just overly sensitive right now and dealing with a lot. So Im just less motivated to head to his place. Im still going to go. But I still have some mixed emotions. Im a big girl now, and I can set my own limits. If Im not enjoying myself or liking whats going on, I can easily excuse myself and go home. And I can also express my feelings if Im dissatisfied. No more walking around in life people pleasing and having emotions pent up. Its a new time in my life.

Ive worked hard to be where I am right now. I want some things for myself. And I just will have to see if My Love can keep up with me or if I will be moving faster than him. I so want him to be on the road with me, but that is his choosing if he keeps up with the pace.

This is a new time of learning about Love and Relationships for me.

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